this is not a diaper
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Note: This is going to be like a food blog where there’s a big essay before the recipe! If you’re here for the cloth diaper tips / method stuff and for that alone, I get it, scroll on down past all my existentialism to the meaty bits!
New parenthood proves itself to be full of little indulgences, expected and unexpected. For one, I’m convinced that a baby’s perfect skin is one of the best things to touch in the world, softer even than velvet or rabbit’s fur or a horse’s nose. The particular joy of small folded clothing, of books lined up on a shelf, a miniature bath towel with a hood. These were things I expected to relish about early parenthood, objects I expected to enjoy handling. But there are surprising pleasures too, ones that catch you off guard — like diapers. Diapers weren’t one of the things I expected to love.
In preparing to have a baby, especially your first, there are endless, endless (!) choices. You have to make a lot of choices in advance, and many of them involve STUFF. You can think about how you’d like to be, how you’d like to do things, but you really can’t be sure until you get there and actually figure out the rhythm of life with your baby. It’s a delicate balance of genuinely needing to prepare but also trying not to over-prepare or over assume that a certain thing will work. You sit around pregnant feeling sort of utterly useless, and one of the only tangible things you can do to prepare is collect possibly useful items, all under the guise of “nesting”. Let’s be real, it’s fun to pick out and buy things for a baby! And something that is important to me is always feeling well-resourced. I’m the kind of person who likes a fully stocked pantry at all times. But you can so easily surround yourself with all this stuff and feel like somehow that stuff will save you and then when you actually have your baby realize that none of the stuff actually helps and really you’re broke and alone and ashamed and out of space! A dark reality but a reality nonetheless.
When I was pregnant, I wanted to be the kind of mom who used cloth diapers, but I wasn’t sure what to expect. I wanted to be the kind of mom who did xyz in a lot of different categories! So many layers of murky blurry hopes and dreams. I couldn’t tell what was aspirational and what was actually practical. So I did what I always do: I took to the internet’s endless corridors and rabbit holes and began to read. My internet research revealed an overwhelming web of information and brands, all of which added up to more vague confusion. From what I could tell, cloth diaper users run the gamut of motives and methods: some people use a bare bones tried-and-true stash of simple cloth diapers to save money, some people can’t bear the thought of adding thousands of disposable diapers to a landfill, some people go into collector-mode gathering seemingly hundreds of different-patterned covers to add to their “stash.” Some people want to let nothing but natural fibers touch their baby’s bottom, and some swear by convenient all-in-one diapers that use microfiber and fleece to wick moisture. Like every other consumer item, there’s the noble, the perverse, the marketing gimmicks, the designer brands, and the old faithfuls. There are the gurus, the influencers, the bloggers, the facebook buy-sell-trade groups, the startups and the imports. I shouldn’t have been surprised — the world of cloth diapers is its own little universe that, in its own way, reflects the bigger world around us.
Within the first choice (do I want to cloth diaper?) is an endless web of secondary choices (wool or PUL? prefolds, flats, or fitteds? how much do I want to spend?) — and this is where I found myself becoming interested. And overwhelmed. After opening too many internet tabs, I still wasn’t sure whether it was for me. So what really got me into cloth diapering for real was a lot of personal help. I want to be extremely transparent about that. No matter now “noble” or “instagram-attractive” I want or wish to be, I honestly likely wouldn’t have ended up using cloth diapers if it wasn’t for multiple people literally GIVING them to me, telling me how to use them, loading me up with gear and support. If I appear to be any kind of self-enterprising motherhood authority in any way (lol), I’m not. I’m someone who’s been helped over and over, in this area and many others. That’s why I wanted to write this, honestly. Maybe by sharing some information (since I can’t yet share my gear, though I intend to when we’re finished with it), I can help as I’ve been helped.
Cloth diapering reveals itself to be extremely personal. It’s so interesting to wade through the various avenues of it and see all of the different personalities and preferences at play. To hear one person’s ideal set of diapers and way of using them is almost like learning their enneagram type or reading their diary. One of my favorite bits of research was finding, deep in the Green Mountain Diapers website (the holy grail of cloth diapering resourcing and information, in my opinion, which I read quite literally cover to cover), a paragraph where the founder of the company shared, very conversationally, exactly what she would stock up on were she to do it all again. I’ll copy it here, because I find it really interesting to read. I’ve gone back to reread it multiple times, and it has very much influenced my buying choices. (You also get to hear some of the hilarious brand names, many of which include the word “Bum” in some form!)
“But Karen, what would YOU choose? At this point in my life, if God were to bless our family with a newborn baby, and I've thought about this a lot, I would get 5 packs of Two-Sided Wipes, 2 Pail Liners (probably GroVia Perfect Pails) 1 BumGenius Bottom Cleaner and 3 spray bottles, 24 Newborn orange edge prefolds and 24 yellow edge prefolds, 1 6-pack of size Half Flats, 3 packs of Birdseye Flats size small/one-size, 2 Bummis Super Brite newborn covers because those really work to stay below the cord stump during that first week, 1 Lana wool pull-on small, 1 Disana Wool Pull-on newborn and 1 small to grow into as an extra, 1 of each of the Babee Greens wool covers. I love wool. 2 Thirsties Duo size 1 snap cover since it not outgrown in 2 seconds for when I do use PUL. Mostly I use wool full time (remember everyone likes different things, these are just my favorites). That's 8 covers. And I'd have a sleepsack, but I can count that as clothing, not part of the "diaper budget". For accessories: 1 Snappi and 4 pairs of pins, 1 Lansinoh Lanolin and 1 Eucalan Woolwash, 1 wet bag. I don't expect to need any rash cream at all until teething time. Frequent changing along with complete cleaning up after poops using the BumGenius Bottom Cleaner, slow and playful time at diaper changes gives baby's bottom plenty of "air time" and helps baby enjoy changes, plus clean well-washed cotton diapers means no rashes (assuming no food allergies or other issues). If I do need a rash cream I use Lansinoh Lanolin.”
By reading this, I feel like I know this woman! I trust what she says works! It’s like the opposite of marketing, it’s living. She’s sort of trying to sell you something (this is written on her website that sells cloth diapers, after all), but she’s mostly trying to explain her process, share her secrets, even. She’s being generous! And she isn’t lying — you can tell these recommendations are specific and thoughtful, coming from years of actually diapering actual babies, day after day after day. I think that’s what’s sort of interesting about cloth diapers — so much space for individuality in the way you use them, but they really are something you use, something that needs to work. You can talk about them, collect them, show them off on social media, whatever, but at the end of the day someone is literally pooping on them and you’re literally cleaning it up, end of story. So much like motherhood itself — NOT GLAM, often shitty (ha!), but also full of unexpected personhood, dignity, creativity, choice, beauty if you look for it. I’m so moved by this woman telling her story through this little litany of what kinds of diapers and tools she’d reach for if she were doing it all again.
For me, what cloth diapers come down to is community, creativity, and pleasure. These are the reasons I’m actually using them. When I examine myself, these are my true motives. Of course I’m also thrilled that I’m saving money and not adding lots of disposable diapers to a landfill, and cloth diapers happen to look quite cute on tiny bums, but I’m not sure that those reasons alone would have turned me into such a staunch resident of cloth-diaper-land. Community got me here — stacks of diapers literally left on my doorstep for me to use or not use, whatever I wanted. And now that I had them, why would I not use them — especially knowing they were rich with the lives of other moms and babies already infused into them! My neighbor Courtney gave me her beautiful wool covers, fresh from her youngest baby growing out of them, and already they are some of my most treasured baby items. My neighbor Christen lent me her collection of fitted diapers (a luxury in diaperland!) that have made my experience cloth diapering that much more simple and satisfying. My friend Erika gave me the diapers she used for her twins, leaving me with enough prefolds and covers for literally two babies, an over-abundance of preparation! These friends not only gave me diapers, but also never pressured me to use them or accept them, and gave me the sorts of diapers I naturally wanted to use — the most simple, most gentle, and natural-fibered ones. The warmth of likemindedness, and of people giving you the sorts of things you actually want (because we all know the bad feeling of taking on things that aren’t quite what we would choose, the almost-there feeling that leaves a sense of dissatisfaction and sometimes guilt.) I couldn’t have done it without their generosity, and also the gentle push of communal experience — if they did it, I can do it too!
And creativity. There’s something about the process of using cloth diapers that feels like I’m making something. I’m not sure why that is, but it’s strong. The textile connection probably is part of it for me — part of my work is sewing and designing sewing patterns, so handling fabric all the time is familiar to me and associated with creative work in my mind. The folding of a prefold diaper, fastening it on. Choosing which cover to use, why, and when. The laundering, stacking, putting away. The tools and the way everything is arranged on the changing table — it’s not unlike my studio space, the area around my sewing machine. Diapering is repetitive process-based work. Disposable diapers don’t feel like this, they sort of don’t feel like anything. But I feel a sort of satisfaction in putting a prefold diaper on my baby and getting the fit I want. I don’t know, maybe it’s a stretch. Maybe I just miss sewing! But there’s something in it that scratches that itch, and I’m grateful for that in this season.
Maybe it’s the process that connects it for me. The cycle of using, washing, putting away, the repetition of putting diapers on and taking them off. I am a creature of habit, I feel at home in repetitive work, especially when the repetition involves some spark of creativity. I enjoy the opportunity to do something again and again and again. What is one person’s doldrum is my source of energy. I don’t know if diapering is energizing me necessarily, but I do think I find the process-ness of cloth diapers more energizing than I would find using only disposables.
Last, the pleasure. This was such a surprise! Cloth diapers, at least the ones I’m using, are beautiful! And soft! They feel like a little luxury. My baby looks so lovely in them, especially with wool covers — I, like GMD cloth-diaper-guru Karen, love wool. A laundry basket full of freshly washed and dried diapers is a pleasure. Handling them, putting them away, is a pleasure. Who knew! I love feeling prepared and well-resourced, and having all the tools and supplies I need at arm’s reach, and endless cycle of diapers at the ready, no need to buy more or restock, is a pleasure! The tactile warmth of worn-in cotton, of lanolized wool. There’s something so satisfying about a big laundry basket full of freshly washed diapers, still warm from the dryer, touching each one, putting them back in the drawer to be used again — a tiny altar guild, a small liturgy of keeping my baby clean.
I feel a little silly waxing poetic about diapers, but any source of joy in new parenthood is worth acknowledging and singing from the rooftops about! But listen, you don’t have to love diapering in any form! You don’t have to like, use, or try cloth diapers! To each their own diapering process! Really! Please clean your baby’s bum literally however works, clear whatever mental space you need to clear, and don’t let me get in the way of that! But what a nice surprise to find, once again, the cosmic in the microcosmic, the whole world in the world of diapers. Something shitty and small and repetitive expanding into something spacious and personal and lovely. How nice to be surprised by joy in another strange form — some secondhand cotton diapers all wrapped up in wool. This is not just a diaper, it’s a way to keep finding your way.
What’s Working:
Cloth Diaper Gear, Tools and Processes that are working for us
I’ve been using the kind of diapers that are a two part system: inner diaper and outer cover. The diaper absorbs, the cover protects from leakage. There are other kinds of systems out there (main kinds seem to be Pockets and All-in-Ones), but they don’t really appeal to me and also I don’t have any, so I can’t give any thoughts about them.
The inner diaper has to be washed after every use, but the covers only have to be cleaned really when they get poop on them or start to get smelly after lots of holding pee in. You can get a lot of mileage out of a single cover, especially if you air them out well after each use! Inner cloth diapers are pretty good at keeping poop in, so covers don’t get truly dirty very often.
One of the nicest practical things about using cloth diapers is that you can change your baby as many times as you want and not feel bad about wasting diapers. Baby pees immediately after you put a new diaper on? No problem, just change it! With cloth wipes, you can use as many as you want and really get them clean. Obviously it’s fine to use as many disposable wipes and diapers as you and your baby need too, but there is a sort of mental freedom in knowing that the thing you’re using is endlessly renewable. I’ve personally found that comforting.
We used disposable diapers exclusively in the first two weeks of Tommy’s life. At that point it was nice to not be doing any extra wash. But Tommy developed a bad diaper rash so we took that as the opportunity to switch to cloth to try to clear it up — which, combined with frequent changes and cream, worked! We see a lot less rash in cloth diapers! We had to go back to exclusive disposables for a little bit after his circumcision at 4 weeks, and the rash came right back, so now I know that cloth helps his skin stay healthier.
At this point (nine weeks old), we’re still using disposable diapers at night. I’m planning to switch to cloth at night sometime soon, but I’m trying to figure out what combination of things will work best with less frequent changes. This is just what’s working for us right now, while Tommy is still waking multiple times a night!
Diapers:
Prefolds — We were given a bunch of these in basically every size! A prefold is a very simple rectangle of fabric with a thicker section in the middle to absorb moisture. They are cheap and fun to use and learn to fold, and wash up perfectly. Very easy once you get the hang of it — though an iffy fold can mean a poop explosion, so it takes practice. We fasten with a snappi (like an elastic “y” with teeth on all the ends, which holds the diaper together instead of pins). Here’s a link! Prefolds also double as excellent burp cloths since they’re super soft, inexpensive, and absorbent — we keep an extra set on hand that we don’t use as diapers for this purpose! Even if you aren’t cloth diapering, it’s worth buying some for burping and general baby leakiness!
Fitteds — My friend let me borrow her stash of cloth-eez fitted diapers, and oh my goodness what a gift! I’m thinking now that these might really be worth the investment. I now greatly prefer these diapers, especially under wool (we had a mishap with a snappi coming loose on a prefold and snagging one of our wool covers, oh no!). So easy, so pretty, and the most similar to a normal diaper, so it’s easy for anyone to jump in and help. As a sewist, I love looking at how these are made. Very aesthetically pleasing, but more of an investment.
I’ve tried Cloth-eez and Esembly fitted diapers. After lots of use, I think I prefer and recommend Cloth-eez — they wash up really well and fit my baby great. I like that the inner absorbancy layer is only sewn on one end, which leads to a cleaner diaper after washing. My frustration with Esembly is it has too many seams connecting the absorbancy layer to the diaper and sometimes poop doesn’t wash perfectly out of the seams which grosses me out. They probably just need some extra soaking, but the wash routine is already intensive and should be enough to get the poop out. Tommy does have a-typical exclusively breastfed poop because of his milk protein issues, so this might not be a problem for all babies, but it’s been a problem for us.
Covers:
PUL — this is a kind of waterproof fabric that lots of covers are made of. We were given a bunch of PUL covers, and I’ve picked out a handful of my favorites to use. I usually reach for a PUL cover if I want Tommy to wear onesies and or normal pants instead of a wool cover. This is the standard kind of cover for cloth diapers. I’ve liked using simple ones by Bummis (Super Whisper Wrap — which might be discontinued?) best, and also had a newborn Blueberry cover I liked, all older and secondhand. I’ve been using ones with velcro closure primarily, simply because that’s what I was given. You honestly probably can’t go wrong with any of the PUL covers that Green Mountain sells — here’s the page. I haven’t tried Esembly’s covers, but they’re the prettiest on the market in my opinion (though sort of expensive, comparatively). I’m sure they work great!
Wool — I LOVE WOOL. It’s so soft, so luxurious, naturally antibacterial, absorbent but never feels too wet to be yucky, and doubles as really cute clothes. Using wool covers does mean you sort of dress your child slightly unconventionally, but they are VERY CUTE, so I think that’s a good thing. But you can’t really use a onesie (major baby clothes staple) over a wool cover. It means you are the weird newborn mom looking for t-shirts instead of onesies or cutting the bottoms of her onesies off. I don’t mind being a weird mom though. Please note that wool requires hand-washing and drying flat which might not be for everyone. If you want to be able to machine wash everything, you might want to just stick to PUL. Also — if you sew you could easily make yourself some wool covers from secondhand wool sweaters! I would absolutely be doing this if I could go thrift shopping right now, but I was also given more than enough wool covers to get by so I don’t need to. I bought two on Etsy from a shop called Lily’s Dreams that appear to handmade and are adorable.
What I recommend:
Disana Wool Covers (I wish they made these in my size — so weird, so stylish)
Lily’s Dreams on Etsy (who doesn’t want blueberries on their baby’s bum?)
Other Gear:
Cloth Wipes — cloth wipes are wonderful. With just a little bit of water, it’s really easy to get your baby’s bottom really clean, and they wash perfectly with the diapers. I didn’t realize these were a thing before I started cloth diapering, for some reason I thought cloth diaper people still used disposable wipes? So silly! We bought three packs of wipes and use them for lots more than just wiping poo — they’re good for so many things! I’ve been using these two-sided ones.
Squeeze Bottle — companion to cloth wipes. I’ve been using the little peri bottle that the birthing center gave me, just filling it with water and squirting some on the wipes before using them. There are also various wipe solutions you can make or buy, but plain water’s been working just fine for us!
Snappis — these are little stretchy elastic diaper fasteners with plastic teeth at each end that hold everything together when you’re using prefolds. Classic diaper pins work too!
Pail Liner — you need some sort of place to put dirty diapers before wash day — and it doesn’t need to be a traditional airtight diaper pail. It seems that the advice is that it’s actually better to keep cloth diapers open to the air, and that may sound like a smelly mess but I honestly haven’t noticed any smell — yet. It may be different once we introduce solid food and poop gets weirder! You just wash the liner along with the diapers! We’ve been using two pretty simple pail liners, this one and this one.
Peg Board — this is particular to us, but I’ve found it really handy to have a peg board at the changing station! The best part about it is having hooks to hang diapers to try out between uses, so instead of a peg board you could just have some hooks nearby! But the pegboard also has other storage options for various diaper supplies, and it brings me lots of joy to feel like the changing station is a little work space with tools that all have a special place. Probably the artist in me, obsessed with studio space. We are using the peg board and accessories from ikea.
Wash Routine:
1. Quick Wash Cold with a little bit of detergent (to get poop off!)
2. Normal Wash Hot with full detergent (main wash / cleaning cycle)
3. Rinse and Spin (double check and to make sure all detergent is out)
4. Dry Warm, usually a cycle and a half (diapers are very absorbent)
Other Washing Details:
Using Target Brand Free + Clear Detergent — seems to be working fine! Easy to get, inexpensive, and not causing any rashes for Tommy.
We add bleach sometimes to disinfect and remove stains, but you only have to do this occasionally
The full routine takes about four hours for our washer/dryer.
We’ve been washing usually every other day or every two days!
Washing Wool:
I handwash wool covers whenever they get poop on them in Eucalan Wool Wash in a wash basin in the sink — soaking them for a while in lukewarm water, swishing them around gently, changing the water a few times, then air drying flat on a hanging rack. They take a while to dry, so it’s nice to have a couple of wool covers if you use them primarily (in case of, you know, lots of poop blowouts in a row — but luckily blowouts are more rare with cloth diapers than disposables!)
Numbers:
This is where I don’t feel like an expert. There’s lots of guides out there about how many diapers you need, and also some helpful starter kits so if you’re starting from scratch that could be a good way to go. I literally have no idea how many diapers I have on hand, and I don’t really want to count. I would say it’s best to err on the side of having extra. Prefolds are a great way to stock up and feel like you have more than you need — they’re effective and inexpensive compared to fitteds. I tend to reach for fitted diapers first, but I frequently run out of them before washing and don’t mind switching over to prefolds at that point. On a typical day, I change Tommy’s diaper in the daytime approximately eight times — usually before and after every nap, and/or when I know he has pooped. If you’re washing every two days, that’s a bare minimum of 24 diapers — but you’d definitely want to have more than that to be safe. In terms of covers, I was given enough to not worry too much about running out, but you could get away with a pretty small stash (maybe 3-4 covers? in either wool or PUL?).
Brands and Options:
To me, Green Mountain Diapers seems like the ultimate authority on cloth diapers, and it’s where I’ve gone for almost all of the things I’ve needed that I wasn’t given by a friend. The education section of the website is extensive and will tell you much more than I’ve been able to here. So much info, lots of beautiful wool options, and their clotheez line of cotton diapers is about as high-quality as they come in my opinion!
Esembly is a newer cloth diaper company founded by the people behind a long-time nyc diaper service that is kind of hip and cool. I really appreciate the simplicity of their system and accessories — you could very easily get everything you need from them without having to sort through lots of different brands or options, kind of like going to Trader Joes instead of a normal grocery store, you know? That said, I do think they’re on the pricey side for what it is, and I do find that their fitted diapers don’t wash up quite as well as the cloth-eez ones — but they’re beautiful and otherwise great to use! Worth looking into, especially if you’re looking for simplicity or trying to get a handle on how cloth diapering works.
There are probably other great resources, but I can’t recommend them because I haven’t used them!
If you’re interested in cloth diapering but washing feels daunting to you, look into diaper services in your area! They essentially drop off a bunch of clean diapers and pick up your dirty ones to launder them each week — super easy! It definitely adds cost to cloth diapering, and you do have to deal with the potential smell of a week’s worth of diapers in your house (typically I wouldn’t go more than three days without washing), but it’s an awesome option that is available in most major cities it seems!
Thanks for reading this guide! If you have specific questions about diapering, I can only answer from my own experience, and I’ve put basically all I know in this essay. I am NOT an expert AT ALL, I literally have a two month old baby so that’s the extent of my knowledge! All of this is just what I’ve learned and what is working so far! Godspeed on your diaper travels, whatever they may hold!
P.S. I was also given some g-diapers that I’m planning to try soon too! A whole other system that is pretty cool!